So, you've created the vision of your ideal relationship. Perhaps you've crafted a comprehensive "soulmate wish list." You know what you want (at least you think you do). But HE IS NOT SHOWING UP.
"Why do they tell us to create a list of what we want?" - You ask yourself. "To make it clearer that I want the impossible? If he hasn't shown up for 15 years that I've been waiting, maybe, it's just not meant for me to have the love I want." And you close your doors...
Please, don't be in a hurry to resign. If it's not happening, there are very clear, distinct reasons for that. Your task is to identify these reasons and adjust, shift your mindset to remove the blockages that stand in the way of your desire.
What kind of blockages?
Take a moment, step aside of your usual flow of thought, and ask yourself a question:
"How open am I really, to the reality of meeting and uniting my ideal life partner?"
You may be open to it consciously, but on the subconscious level you are pushing away the fulfillment of your desire.
Our belief system is formed based on our life experience. Often, strong beliefs and reactive behavior patterns come as a result of childhood trauma. If you haven't been able to create a successful relationship for many years, this has probably strengthened your unconscious assumption that "you are not destined" to have it.
So, what keeps you from attracting your ideal relationship, is a set of limiting beliefs about yourself and others.
These beliefs reside deep in your subconscious mind, and control most of your behavior.
Throughout my work with clients I've identified clusters of most common issues that stand in the way of attracting love. I say "clusters" because they usually are related to each other forming a chain reaction of negative behavior patterns that sabotage your relationships.
Your number one enemy: "I am not worthy."
Lack of self-worth is the most common and most damaging belief. Before you can have a healthy relationship with someone else, you have to learn to love and value yourself. This was my problem for a while and it was destroying my relationships until I gained awareness and was able to clearly see that that's what had been driving my choice of partners.
If you believe that there is "something wrong with you", that you are "not as good as others" in some way, that you are "not complete" and need to find a partner to complete you; then you become too attached to the relationship. You can't lose it; it feels if you lose it, you'll lose yourself. This dramatic undercurrent shows through. Your partner will sense it and he will feel trapped. At some point he will feel the need to break out from your hold and leave.
If you have a pattern of attracting men that can't commit to you, if you feel that you give a lot and get very little in return, it is likely that on some level you don't feel worthy of having a great relationship.
Another way in which this issue shows up is that you will tend to choose partners who are "damaged" in some way, for whom it would be difficult to find another woman. You know they will be really attached to you, value you, and never leave you. Relationships that are based on co-dependence may last for a while, but they won't make you happy.
Do you think that there isn't the right man for you out there?
A negative generalization like "men are... (fill in the blank)", or "all the good ones are taken", represent another cluster of commonly observed limiting beliefs. Statistically, you may be right. At a certain age there are probably fewer available men who are up to your standards and willing to be in a committed relationship. Maybe...
But statistics is the law of large numbers. It has nothing to do with your unique ability to find The One. You need only one, remember? You have to open yourself up to that possibility. If you believe it's impossible, you are pushing him away. Don't be attached to a particular image of him that you created for yourself. He may not look like your image, but he will have the qualities that are most important for you. He should be able to give you what you most yearn for in a relationship.
Are you too busy?
I work primarily with professional women. I often hear "I am too busy to date." If you are a career woman or a business owner, you know it takes dedication to create a change in your life, to achieve any goal. Transforming your relationship patterns and attracting a life partner: how big of a change do you think that will be? How important is it to you? How much of a commitment will this require?
You have to make a space in your life for the new relationship: a space in your mindset, a space in your thought process, a space in your heart, and a space in your schedule.
"When I meet the right man, I will stop being too busy."
It doesn't work that way. You have to create a room first, and then you will be making choices that will lead you to meeting the right man. You will literally "attract" him if you create the space, and you will severely limit your chances if you don't.
So, what are your obstacles?
The trick is to be able to step aside, identify the specific beliefs that stand in your way, and dissolve them; shift your mindset and take a different perspective on these things. You will then become a different person, someone who is open, warm and inviting; someone who is magnetic to love.
