You remember the passion of early on in your relationship... spending all day long, simmering with longing... looking forward to nightfall when you could see your mate and rip his clothes off. Those were the days. Nowadays, if you want to get hot, you lean against the stove.
"Women especially shut down sexually after being with a man over time because their heart gets wounded and the man doesn't know how to heal it. A woman's heart is connected to her womb. If her heart is wounded, it will close. If her heart is closed... her legs are closed," says couples counselor Jane Fendelman, MC. She supports the use of tantric sex and the ancient healing arts in bridging the gap.
How to stay sexy & keep the romance alive
Staying sexy and keeping the romance alive is intrinsic to making it last. Nicole Matthias, president of badfun.com, shares seven fun ideas to resuscitate romance:
Leave a love note
Leaving a note for your lover is a thoughtful and easy way to let him know that you're thinking of him. Just leave a little note on the bathroom mirror, refrigerator, or in his briefcase, that says something sweet such as "Have a good day!" or "I can't wait to see you tonight" or even "Will be thinking of you today." This unexpected find can not only brighten his day but remind them that you love him.
Surprise dinner
Instead of picking up takeout on the way home (again!), plan to make his favorite meal. Put time into the presentation and eat it with the TV off! Light candles and take out the good china that you rarely use, and get a nice bottle of wine. The time you put into it is what makes it special.
Send an e-card
There are lots of sites that offer free e-cards and all it takes is a few minutes during your lunch break to pick one, personalize it and send it to him. It's a welcomed interruption to his work day. Why wait?
Put on a lingerie fashion show
You can do it all in one night or for an entire week. Try on different pieces of lingiere and do a little runway walk or sexy dance. Keep changing outfits while he admires your body in each one. Before doing this, you can even encourage him to pick out some lingerie items that he wants to see on you!
Sexual adventure
Instead of leaving Hershey's kisses in the shape of a heart on the bed, try chocolate body topping. Make it romantic and sexy by taking your time licking it off his body from top to bottom. When you spend time adoring his body, you let him know that you truly care about him and his pleasure.
Don't wait
Don't wait for a special occasion to do something romantic. It's almost expected on those times and therefore loses some of its meaning. You want to surprise him with something small but thoughtful that expresses your love in a different way than usual. Reminders of your feelings for your lover won't go unappreciated!
Bring in some "friends"
...I'm talking about sexual enhancers, adult toys, or massage oils. Sometimes adding something a little extra can cause you to linger on his hot spots a little longer. There are a number of products great for couples. Try a vibrating erection ring. It helps him to last longer while providing you with maximum pleasure.
How to reignite the spark
Lisa Steadman, a relationship journalist for The Breakup Chronicles, and author of It's a Breakup Not a Breakdown, recommends the following:
"Whether you're married for years, have children, and/or just feel the spark is waning, it's important to reignite that spark. You may need a shift in thinking. First, start thinking of your relationship as a third party. You, your partner, and the relationship are all active members of the same triangle. Not only do you and your partner have needs, but your relationship has needs. If you neglect it, you lose the spark."
Ways to stimulate your senses and your sensual appetite
-Make time for slowing down, i.e. turn the TV off, set aside time to not talk about the kids, the bills, the debt, work.
-Talk to the other person about them.
-Light candles, listen to soft music, touch without being sexual.
-Just BE together. Kiss. Be kind, nurturing. Give back rubs. Go on a date.
-Invite play into the bedroom. Whether that's cuddling, toys, sexy lingerie, whatever works for both of you.
-Don't always make this time about sex. Sometimes in order to get back to sex, you need to first get back to loving and being loved as a couple."
